It's a Guy Thing
by morning.chickenhead
Summary: A confused Duke muses about which twin he ACTUALLY likes better. Note I added two chapters so please navigate to chapter 7 before reading the newest one.
1. Trophy

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing She's the Man related. Just the stuff between the proper nouns.

**Trophy**

"Well that was a great date, pardner," Viola drawled, pushing Duke up against his dormitory door and pressing herself against him. "Why don't we see if we can top it this Saturday?"

"I…I think that can be arranged," he replied as she pushed her tongue into his mouth.

Duke closed his eyes and tried to sink into the kiss. Viola _was_ a good kisser. She even said he had gotten better since they started going out. Which was a good thing, a relief for someone with his low-ish level of self-confidence. But at the same time, he wondered, did that mean he hadn't been any good at first? It was kind of…embarrassing. To be coached that way…by a very hot girl.

The night had been fun, full of suicide buffalo wings, greasy fingers, getting his ass kicked at foosball, watching the big game on tv with the guys, but then disappearing during the half time to kick Viola's ass on the life-sized soccer field. They kicked a ball around and chased each other, and ended up lying on the ground in one of the nets, making out.

Speaking of making out, this kiss was lasting uncomfortably long. Viola's hands were all over him, and really he was tired now and just wanted to get into his room. It was late Thursday night, and they had early class in the morning. Duke tried to pull away as gracefully as possible but just ended getting slobber on both of their faces. He bit his lip hard and swore in his head as he tried to subtly wipe his mouth with his shoulder.

"Awww, don't be shy," Viola coaxed, wiping first his mouth, then hers, full on with her shirt sleeve. "So…see you tomorrow?" She batted her eyelashes and pouted a bit.

"Er, yeah. Chemistry. I'll be there."

"Can't wait," she said knowingly, rolling her eyes. "Hey, say hello to my dumb brother for me."

Duke gave a small smile and backed into the room. He heard Viola outside, loudly singing Journey lyrics off-key as she skipped down the hall. What a girl. The kind you definitely can't get out of your mind.

The more musical of the twins was sitting cross-legged on his bed strumming single chords on his guitar and singing very softly. He gave a smiling nod in acknowledgment of Duke's entrance, but didn't stop playing or singing.

"Viola says hi," Duke said, doing a belly-flop onto his own bed.

"Viola says a lot of things," Sebastian laughed, still strumming. Duke noticed that his face was thoughtful, as if he were listening to the music from someplace deep inside his mind. He wondered if you had to turn on a different part of your brain when you got involved in making music as he did when he got out on the field.

"Are you writing a song?" he asked, holding up his face with his hand.

Sebastian nodded slowly, in time with his chords. "It's inspired by Olivia."

Olivia. Another girl very difficult to get out of the mind. But once he was with Viola, Duke hadn't found it impossible. There was something very innocent and wholesome and good about Olivia that Duke thought few girls could pull off. Then again, she had totally played him to make Viola ("Sebastian") jealous, with little or no regard to _his_ feelings. And he had been swooning over her since kindergarten. What, did she think that guys don't _have _feelings? That guys can just be objects of manipulation in the process of a girl getting what she wants?

Duke remembered the way Olivia had been all over him on their "date." It had _not_ been attractive. Maybe because it became blatantly obvious in that short time that Duke and Olivia had absolutely nothing in common. He didn't feel comfortable with her.

Now with _Viola_…they always had something to talk about. Or if for some reason they didn't, soccer was the perpetual back-up. Being with Viola was a lot like hanging out with his guy friends, except that she was smarter and funnier, and of course, better looking. But in a lot of ways Viola and Olivia were alike. Maybe _too_ alike. They were the type of girls who would stop at nothing to get what they wanted. They were always in control. And Viola was as forward, if not more forward, than Duke had found Olivia to be. Most guys would find that really hot. But the truth was, it kind of intimidated Duke. It was what he had perceived in Olivia to be a soft and quiet sensitivity that had once attracted him to her.

"Did you know that I used to be hopelessly in love with her?" Duke said absent-mindedly, trying to cleanse himself of the thoughts of Olivia, which were annoyingly making him question his relationship with Viola. Yeesh, Olivia was as intrusive in his mind as she had been in real life.

Sebastian smiled. "What guy isn't?"

"Yeah…" Duke agreed, shifting onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. "Well, lucky you. You get the trophy that everybody else wants."

Sebastian suddenly stopped playing and looked over at his roommate. "Well _I _don't want a trophy," he corrected Duke gravely.


	2. Unexpected

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing She's the Man related. Just the stuff between the proper nouns.

**Unexpected**

Duke gulped and quickly tried to change the subject. "So what's the song like?"

"Well you kind of hit the nail on the head," Sebastian admitted. "It's about a guy who feels unfulfilled, and really admires this absolutely beautiful, flawless girl – the 'trophy,' I guess you could call her, although that's not at all fair to her. When they get together, though, he finds he still feels unfulfilled."

Duke sat up, surprised. "Really? You, uh, you feel like that? Because I –" He caught himself in time to not incriminate Viola. "I've felt kind of like that before," he finished.

Sebastian stopped strumming and shifted himself to face Duke. "Really? Was it with Olivia, because I don't know what it is about her, but I just can't help it. And I feel guilty, because she just seems so, so amazing. But I feel like she won't open up to me. I don't really _know _her."

Duke thought about it, and realized that, as he had just been thinking, he _had_ been disappointed by Olivia. Not because she hadn't opened up to him, but because she had used him shamelessly. "She wasn't the one for me," he said simply.

"You're lucky that you connect so well with Viola," Sebastian sighed.

"Yeah," Duke replied half-heartedly. Then half-jokingly, "It's like dating one of the guys from the team."

"Really," Sebastian said mockingly, "because I didn't think those guys would be your type."

Quickly, Duke stood up and walked over toward his desk, rummaging in drawers and straightening papers as if preparing for school the next day. But in actuality he didn't want Sebastian to see the flush in his face in reaction to his joke. And he didn't want to ask himself, either, _why_ he had reacted that way. Why his chest hurt a little bit and why he started breathing faster.

"Yeah," Duke tossed over his shoulder as non-chalantly as he could muster. "Those jock types are such losers. Big man on campus. But it's all an act. They're really snivelling, self-conscious douchebags." He grimaced as he realized he was talking about himself.

"You're not a loser, man," Sebastian replied, more seriously, apparently anxious to not let his roommate disparage himself, even in jest. "You're just a guy trying to make it. We all are." Duke pulled back from putting textbooks into his shoulderbag and turned back to Sebastian, who continued thoughtfully. "It's like the world requires of us masks," he said evenly. "We barely know who we are, but are forced to turn our backs. On all we thought we wanted, and all that we admired. The world requires of us masks, and all us men are tired."

With a gulp Duke took a step forward. That…poem…thing…that had just come from Sebastian's lips, his eyes turned skyward as though entranced, was exactly the kind of crap that the guys on Duke's team – his friends – would make hardcore fun of: pansy existential bullshit, even worse considering it was spontaneously conceived, with no holding back, no self-censorship in case he wouldn't be accepted. Yet Duke was drawn to Sebastian by those words which seemed to create a spiralling orbit around him. They were incredibly _brave _words considering few people would actually listen to them without judging. And they were words Duke wanted to say himself but didn't have the language or expressiveness for: How if he didn't achieve certain standards on the soccer field he hated himself and felt like a dismal failure. How he became someone different when he was around other people. How he felt like himself but felt like someone else.

When Viola had, dressed as Sebastian, tried to teach Duke how to "talk to girls," she put words in his mouth that didn't seem to fit there, so they spewed out uncontrollably, trying to escape the misshapen vault. "Do you like…cheese?" It was laughable, really. No really, it did make him laugh. But it was really just a joke. When he had asked that of Olivia at Cesario's, she had given him the dirtiest look ever. Maybe it worked on a girl like Viola, who had a good sense of humour and a healthy appetite, but if it worked wasn't even the point. The point was, those weren't the words Duke wanted to say. And here was Sebastian saying words that actually meant something to him…

"What was that?" Duke asked in amazement, then to try to tone down what to him sounded like an overly gushing tone, added quickly, "I mean, how'd you do that, man? You like, just wrote a song without even thinking about it."

"Actually, I've thought about it a lot," Sebastian replied somewhat shyly, looking away at the floor.

"Me too," Duke agreed quietly, lowering himself back down on his bed. "I just…don't know how…to say a thing. It always just…comes out wrong."

Sebastian's face lit up. "That's the beauty of music! It can't come out 'wrong.' It just comes out…_different_…than what you expect. And sometimes the unexpected can make the truest song."

Now Duke _really_ didn't know what to say. He let Sebastian's words hang there and headed to the bathroom to wash up before bed.

Speaking of the unexpected, he thought, the entire conversation with Sebastian was completely unexpected. He hadn't expected to have a heart-to-heart about the difficulties of masculine identity with his roommate, his girlfriend's brother, someone he barely knew, yet someone who seemed to understand him…perfectly. Someone who didn't have…_expectations _of him, like Viola did. To be a certain kind of person. Even when he didn't feel like it.

Later when Duke climbed into bed for good that night, he couldn't help but wonder what Viola would be like if she was more like her brother. He almost stopped himself from thinking the thought when it was only the initial momentary pang in his mind. But he relished the unexpected _fulfillment_ he felt at hearing those words, at having someone acknowledge the masks he wore as something other than his true, expected face. And he felt comfort in realizing that sometimes the unexpected can make the truest song_._


	3. Chase

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to She's the Man. Just the stuff between the proper nouns.**

**Chase**

That night Duke had a dream – a very strange dream – about Viola. Or was it Sebastian?

In the dream, he was on the soccer field, and he was running. Except there was no ball, and seemingly no other players. Until Duke realized the reason he was running was he was being _chased_ – by Viola, the way he first knew her: a short, dorky, kinda gay guy who had a marginal amount of talent for soccer and always a mockingly light-hearted comment for her teammates.

She was gaining on him, her arms stretched out towards him. Duke kept running, unsure of precisely what he was running from. But, in a healthy amount of terror, he flung his chin over his shoulder and regarded the full, taunting lips of his stalker. When Sebastianized-Viola spoke, it was in her brother's voice.

"Don't be so shy!"

Duke panted and swerved at the last moment to avoid the goalpost. He continued running, off the field now, in the woods. He hopped around trees, and when he glanced back, Viola put on her best sad-puppy look and whined, "But Duke, you don't have to wear a mask with me!"

"You're the one wearing a m-" Duke didn't get a chance to finish his sentence; he smacked into another version of Viola, the one he knew now, the one in the hot red dress, the one from the kissing booth, the one who proclaimed her love for him. The impact of their collision put them both flat on the ground.

"I'd never wear a mask around you," the new Viola said huskily, leaning over and sticking her tongue seductively into Duke's ear.

"Then why didn't you just tell me the truth?!" Duke demanded, pulling away from Viola's looming embrace and scrambling to his feet. "The truth about who you were?!"

The puppy dog look returned to Viola's face. As Duke looked down at her, it seemed his legs were growing, or he was floating, or she was shrinking: at any rate she was getting farther and farther away, and though her lips moved, Duke heard them emit no sound.

Indeed, he realized when Viola had completely disappeared from view, he _was_ floating. He was high in the sky, and his eardrums were filling with an unbearable pressure. As he felt they were about to burst, there was a tap on his shoulder. He whirled around.

"Miss me?"

It was Sebastian. The _real_ Seb –

"Duke, wake up, man," Sebastian called shaking Duke's knee. "I realize you were on a hardcore date last night, but duty calls."

Duke bit his tongue hard until he drew blood, so he could not respond.

And so he would feel pain.

Maybe he could slowly bleed these foreign feelings out of his heart.


	4. Wrong

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to She's the Man. Just the stuff between the proper nouns.**

**Wrong**

Duke was jumpier than ever in class. He couldn't concentrate on the noble gases. He kept stealing glances at Viola, her cute, pinched smile beaming from her face. Yet the face he saw wasn't Viola's – it was Sebastian's. At least, Duke thought as he shook the strange thought from his head, Sebastian's face when Viola had been acting out Sebastian.

"You two are just so cute!" Eunice gushed. Duke snapped his head back to his lab partner and realized she had been watching him watch Viola.

"Great…'cute,' " Duke repeated hazily.

"Oh, don't you worry your _cute_ little hairy armpits," Eunice consoled him, grinning over Duke's shoulder to Toby, who blew her a far-too-eager kiss from his palm. "I like the more…_rugged_-looking men." And she shivered pleasurably all over her body, making Duke visibly flinch.

"Oh-ho…" she cooed with cocked eyebrows pointed towards Duke. "Does my…_animal instinct_ intimidate you?"

"Yes…er, no…um," he stumbled, looking all around then down at his fidgety fingers.

"I've seen you with that _cunning_ Viola, and you _need_ a woman like her, totally _hot_ and in _control_." She spoke low and covertly, as though telling him a secret. "Does she bring out the _man_ in you?"

Duke was at a loss as to how to respond to this jeering – although he wasn't sure she intended it to be a jeer – but he was saved by a silencing look to Eunice by their teacher. He sighed in relief and turned back to noble gases.

But as his eyes began to scan his textbook, Eunice hissed at him. "Don't tell Toby, but Viola sure brings out the man in _me_," she confided in her freaky-deaky-seductive Eunice kind of way. "Especially when she was dressed up like her _brother._" She shivered again. "_Godddd_, it's like a two-for-one!"

Trying to ignore her, Duke flashed a quick fake smile without looking up at Eunice's knowing metal mouth.

Her mouth was silent for a moment, but perhaps only to taunt him further by giving him a second to let her words sink in. "Hey, when you're in bed together, and you're playing out your favourite fantasies, does she ever dress up like Sebastian for you? That would be _hotttttttt_."

Duke felt like getting Eunice to behave herself was much like trying to swat a mosquito flying whiningly around his head, careful always to avoid his line of sight. Still, he couldn't reply to her, mainly because his head was swimming with that image of Viola dressed as Sebastian, but now that he knew the real Sebastian, her face kept morphing into his. And the image of Viola dressed as Sebastian _in bed_ – well that was just…just…that was just _wrong!_

But Eunice was wrong about something else, too – Viola had never slept in Duke's bed, and he had never slept in hers. It was something Viola had hinted at, but something Duke had equally as vaguely evaded, gulping in his absolute lack of confidence, knowledge, and even…desire.

Duke swallowed hard now, and his face grew hot as the noble gases wove amongst each other on the page, creating a potent mixture as bright as the Northern Lights. For now he couldn't hold back the thought that he knew what to do with himself – he knew what to do with another guy. He imagined Sebastian close beside him, murmuring his lyrics of fascination, and at the climax of the song, reaching down with strong and certain hands…

The bell rang then, and Viola was suddenly hanging off Duke's back, her chin tucked against his shoulder. "Hi, you!"

Eunice grinned knowingly at Viola. "You fox….Hey, want to try a double date again sometime?"

"Sure!" Viola smiled. "Only this time, sit across from me instead of beside me, how 'bout."

"Of course," Eunice agreed. "But I can't promise I won't try to play footsies…" She doubled over with hacking laughter until Toby rested a soothing hand on her tangled hair and she went limp almost immediately.

"Did I miss anything?" he asked.

"We're set up for a double-date…" Viola explained, sharing a brief glance of horror with Duke.

Duke shook his head. Last time they had double-dated, Duke had been with the dead-wrong person.

Was it possible he was _still_ with the wrong person?


	5. Even

**Disclaimer: I own nothing She's The Man.**

**Even**

"Dude, I am so, like, dead," Duke said absently to no one in particular as he stood in front of the full-length mirror holding up his blue shirt, then his white shirt, then the blue shirt, then the white. At least he had intended it to be to no one in particular.

"What's up, man?" Sebastian asked from his bed, where he was flopped over, skimming through an act of _Twelfth Night_ for English Lit.

Startled, Duke realized he had hoped the whole time to hear a reply from Sebastian's voice. But with that thought, he quickly looked away from the mirror. He couldn't face himself.

He leaned back against the mirror instead, and mumbled something about a stupid double date at which Eunice would be present.

"That's whack, man," Sebastian commented. "At least you'll have Toby to keep your head above water."

"Not really," Duke replied, moving tentatively to a spot where he could see Sebastian while they talked. Both shirts were now flung haphazardly over one shoulder. "Ever since he started dating Eunice, his brain has totally been mush."

Sebastian grinned oddly. "Oh, I thought that's how he always was. I guess I never knew him before he was dating Eunice."

"That's weird," Duke said, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're right, man. I don't know what was in the air last month, but it's like all these relationships started at once."

Sebastian indicated the book he was reading and grimaced. "Like a freaking Shakespearean comedy. Everyone gets married in the end, even though they scratched each other's eyes out throughout the play. And it's supposed to be happily-ever-after for everyone."

The bitterness that crept into Sebastian's voice on the last sentence made Duke balk from the conversation and resume his thoughts from the previous day, the thoughts that questioned how much he really liked – like-liked – Viola. He tossed the blue shirt on the floor and turned away from Sebastian to change into the white one. As he unbuttoned his school uniform shirt, he thought, As usual, Sebastian is right. Happily-ever-after doesn't automatically come from everyone hooking up. Sometimes it seems like more trouble than it's worth.

Raising his arms to pull on the white t-shirt, Duke sniffed at an armpit and recoiled. "Ugh. Great. Now I have to shower before I go."

Sebastian smiled without looking up. "No you don't. That kind of ripeness should keep even Eunice away."

"I dunno man," Duke replied dubiously. "I think Eunice is into that kind of thing." He chuckled and Sebastian shrugged and nodded, still smiling.

"You're probably right about that," he agreed.

Duke realized with a start that he had turned to face Sebastian without pulling the t-shirt all the way on. He had paused mid-shirt to consider the shower plan. Not only that, but…Sebastian was looking at him now.

Maybe even…eyeing him?

But by the time Duke had swiftly pulled the shirt down so it covered his beating chest, Sebastian's eyes were on his book, then casually lifted to meet Duke's eyes.

Sebastian swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Hey yo, would it help if Olivia and I came along? By the time you make it a double you might as well make it a triple." He chortled slightly. "And I'm not talking about coffee or shots."

"Er…yeah, that'd rock." Duke looked away quickly, feeling his face get hot. "I mean, I think Viola would be grateful to have Olivia there. So…yeah…anyway, just come if you want to."

Sebastian had long since ditched the uniform for the day and was decked in ripped jeans and a grungy band t-shirt. He stuck his nose down the neck and sniffed. "Aw, that's disgusting," he muttered. Then he tossed Duke a sly grin. "Maybe we can't ditch Eunice, but ditching the other girls shouldn't be so difficult with _eau de sweaty guy._" He leaped up and beat Duke to the door. "Duke, you're losing it, dude. Next thing you know I'll be out on the field beating you to the ball."

Duke didn't look at his roommate as he shoved past him into the hall and fumbled with his keys. He just mumbled, "It's not about beating each other, it's about working as a team."

"Nice one," Sebastian congratulated him, as he slid his own key into the lock and flashed Duke a triumphant smile. "Next thing you know, you'll be writing songs."

"Right…"

Duke gulped and trailed down the hall after his roommate.


	6. Enough

**Disclaimer: I own nothing She's The Man related.**

**Enough**

The table was littered with crumpled checked wax paper and half-filled cups of ice bathed in an inch of soda.

"Thanks so much for inviting me to your _party, _friends," Eunice gurgled, throwing her arms around Toby and Olivia, who were sitting on either side of her. "Can I call you friends?"

Toby tittered. "You can call me whatever you want, baby bugger-head. But I was under the impression we were slightly more than…_friends._" As he said the last word, he contorted his face like a tiger's and nipped the air right by Eunice's nose. Her eyes grew large and round before she attacked him right back, closing her mouth around his and throwing her leg so she was straddling him.

Viola shivered and glanced at Olivia. The two of them spoke at once: "Friends is good!" and "Yup, pretty sure we're just friends." Then the two of them dissolved into giggles.

Duke was seated between Viola and Sebastian, and was feeling a little claustrophobic. His breathing quickened especially when Viola recovered from the laughter and put her arm around his shoulder and drew a seductive line with one finger across his neckline.

He gave the obligatory head-swivel to face her and stayed stiff and tense as Viola nuzzled his cheek. He listened to what seemed like the hollow sounds of Sebastian telling Olivia about a stray cat he had befriended in London. He watched what seemed like the distant images of the back of Eunice's head nodding as Toby held her tightly against him. And he remembered how Viola-cum-Sebastian had once swatted at Eunice's venturesome hands while Olivia played him like a fiddle, played him like a fool. And he realized he missed that Sebastian-cum-Viola, a person who wasn't all hands and mouth but who had things to say and things to stand up for.

The thoughts closed in around him as Viola's lips closed over his, and he remembered something Sebastian had said just an hour before…"At least you'll have me to keep your head above water…"

He felt like his head was bobbing in and out of the water as he tried to steal breaths of air at the brief moments when Viola took away her lips to do the same and he realized that's not what Sebastian said at all but that he had said at least he'd have _Toby_ to keep his head above water and then he had pointed out that Toby would be no help whatsoever and he had been right and Sebastian said something about the cat throwing up a mouse on the hotel room porch and Viola's leg was curving around his from the side and Sebastian's thigh was brushing against his and

"Whoa whoa whoa, guys, isn't this supposed to be a double…I mean triple…date??" Duke cried, breaking away from Viola harshly and suddenly and giving Toby a swift kick in the leg under the table.

Olivia, who was resting her chin in her hand, glanced in irritation at Eunice and Toby, who were at this point practically one person – or, more accurately, one monster with four legs and four arms and one giant set of braces – then reached over to repeatedly poke it. "Hello?" she said. "Um, Toby, you're being addressed by your team captain."

"They're way gone," Viola determined, patting her hair. She shot Duke a knowing smile. "Then again, so were we…"

"Way gone, we oughta be way gone right now, it's getting really really hot in here," Duke rambled, glancing at Viola for back-up. She only shrugged. "Really really hot and uncomfortable," he continued, daring to glance toward Sebastian, who gave a quick nod and slid out of the booth.

"Why don't the four of us go for a walk?" he suggested, offering his hand to Olivia, who took it graciously and raised herself to a standing position.

Viola frowned at Duke. "I thought it was cozy."

"I…just need to get some air," he offered quickly, copying Sebastian by taking Viola's hand. But when he tried to help her up, she yanked him back toward her. Duke found himself leaning only inches over a prostrate Viola, who murmured, "Well why didn't you just say so. I can give you that." She gripped his face with both hands and twisted it to the side, then blew a long, cool string of air into his ear.

Mouth set in a straight, unfeeling line, Duke jerked away from Viola and stalked toward the door. What are you doing, man, he pleaded with himself. Why don't you want it?...What the hell is _wrong_ with you? Turn back, turn back, you _have_ to turn back.

Olivia and Sebastian had already gone outside, and Eunice and Toby still hadn't come up for air, so he didn't have to worry about them. And when he did turn around, Viola was perched on the edge of the booth, gazing at him with shock and concern.

His heart melted. She cared. She didn't just care about herself. She really cared for him.

She mouthed to him across the room, "We should talk," and gave a sad smile.

Miserable, he nodded, then trudged back to her with head hanging.

This time he didn't offer his hand, but she took it anyway. She didn't use it to help herself up, and she didn't use it to yank him toward her. She just held it and stared strangely into the distance.


	7. The Same but Different

**The Same but Different**

Outside Cesario's, Olivia and Sebastian were waiting. Sebastian was telling Olivia a joke, and she was smirking slightly.

"Uh…I think we're…going to split," Duke said quietly, his hand still in Viola's.

Sebastian caught his eye and gave him a meaningful look. Could he read all the turmoil in Duke's eyes, did he smell his fear? Or did he think Duke wanted to escape with Viola to a more private venue to continue their apparently romantic interlude? Neither of those possibilities appealed to Duke, and he tried to glaze his eyes so Sebastian could read nothing.

Fortunately, Sebastian was already looking again to Olivia. "Well, we're going to go get my guitar and then head over to Bastion Creek in case you want to join us later."

Viola tugged gently at his arm, and when he looked at her he saw her eyes pleading. Please, let's not talk yet. Please, let's just have this one chance to make things right. And please, let's be with them – we're safe with them.

Duke gulped, red creeping into his face. He was grateful that it was already twilight and so the colour wouldn't be visible. He didn't think for a moment he was safe around Sebastian and Olivia. He didn't think for a moment he was safe around…Sebastian.

Back inside their designated favourite hang-out spot, what had felt most oppressive to him was not Viola kissing him, not Toby and Eunice making a scene, not the heat of a crowded atmosphere. It had been Sebastian's leg against his. His mind narrowed in on that feeling as though it had been the only thing he felt. Even now, it was all he felt, a fuzziness, a warmth. He reached down to his thigh and dug his fingernails in hard.

"Actually..." Duke corrected himself, "that sounds like fun. We'll come hang out." He glanced at Viola who was smiling in relief.

Duke and Viola stayed outside the residence hall while Olivia and Sebastian went to fetch the guitar. Duke was terrified that when Sebastian opened the door to the room he shared with Duke Viola would be able to smell the intensity of Duke's troubled feelings, all bottled up in that tiny space. So he persuaded her to stay outside. They said nothing to each other the whole time. It was very unusual for Viola.

The two of them walked slowly after Sebastian and Olivia, listening to the two of them argue about the possibility of happily-ever-after.

"Of course it's possible," Olivia retorted when Sebastian started complaining about the end of _Twelfth Night._ "It's possible and it's real. Everything works out in the end."

"I'm not convinced," Sebastian replied calmly. "There is no 'end,' after all, not in real life. Life keeps going after everyone's married off. It's not one kiss and then we're done."

"Well of course not," Olivia amended. "It's then that all the good stuff happens. It's not just one kiss, but many. It's the end of a life of loneliness."

"Just because you're alone doesn't mean you're lonely," Sebastian objected. "You have your friends, you have your music."

"For those of us that have music. The rest of us rely on you."

Sebastian glanced back at his sister and roommate and grinned in mock graciousness.

Olivia continued, "Why would you be alone if you have the option of not being alone?"

"People have lots of different reasons for being alone," Sebastian said darkly. And the conversation ended there.

Duke and Viola quietly sat down on a felled tree. He watched as Sebastian removed his guitar from the case and started to tune it. Duke didn't understand it. Sebastian had seemed so eager about initiating a relationship with Olivia, the most sought-after girl in school. And now he was challenging her on a sensitive subject like why even bother being in a relationship. Something didn't add up.

The two couples, each having hit their very own bump in the road, remained silent for awhile. It wasn't a wholly uncomfortable silence; the grandness and openness of the starry sky above them seemed to evaporate any and all discomfort that had followed them from Cesario's. It gave them an excuse to look away from each other's eyes, and it justified the lack of conversation in its inconceivable beauty.

At least these were the thoughts running through Duke's mind as he tried to keep it away from other more unpleasant thoughts like the whole leg-brushing-leg thing. Oh, who was he kidding…the thoughts were pleasant. Pleasurable. Duke shivered. But what an unpleasant word was "pleasurable," suggesting something surely far too intimate for his blushing teenage brain.

Apparently Viola had something else on her mind, though. She was the one who broke the silence, probably noticing that the talented musician among them was taking way too long tuning his guitar – he was stalling. "I agree with Sebastian," she said slowly, as if testing the water with her toes before entering. "A happy ending isn't so easy as Shakespeare apparently makes it out to be. But let's not forget that Shakespeare wrote tragedies as well. Everyone killing themselves at the end if they haven't already been murdered by someone else. And that's what happens when you're _too_ alone," she concluded, eyeing Sebastian.

"I know, I know," he replied. Then grinned, and Duke had to look away quickly before he noticed how adorable the grin was. Sebastian continued. "Sorry, Olivia. I think I was mainly talking about my trip to London again. I guess this time it's not as innocent as the cute little kitty story, huh?" He paused. " 'Cuz to tell the truth, I didn't go to London to play music. I went there to be alone – in the sense of getting away from my parents, avoiding the inevitable absolute _boringness_ of school, and, well, also having some time apart from you, Viola." Duke felt Viola's hand, which was still in his, tense up slightly, though she nodded understandingly.

"Everyone frickin' wants to have a twin when they're a kid," Viola agreed. "But it's not as easy as it looks, all lookin' the same as the other person and stuff!"

Olivia looked at Viola and giggled. "You're totally right, I always wished I had a twin! But I guess it might be a little hard to find your own personality when there's someone so similar to you right beside you all the time."

Sebastian had a small, faraway smile on his face. "It's not really that, either," he explained in an equally faraway voice. Duke's ears perked up. Maybe what Sebastian was about to say would give him some explanation as to the odd way things had worked out, the odd way that just didn't gel with Sebastian's recent behaviour.

Sebastian continued, and underlying the spoken words, Duke heard the beginnings of a song. "Certain things are expected of you. The place you grew up…eventually stops growing. No longer big enough to contain your thoughts and dreams. They want to break free. They search for something different. And when you find that difference you find…that difference was the same as you the whole entire time."

And it was then that Sebastian started to play. Duke immediately recognized the tune of the song his roommate had been practicing earlier. But Sebastian didn't sing. He just hummed with the music, sometimes falling away from the notes to counter them beautifully, sometimes playing right with them in complementary fashion.

Duke stood abruptly, pulling Viola with him. He felt as rushed as the time he got that humiliating boner in class and had to leave suddenly, attempting to hide both his face and his…stuff. Only this time that area was completely under control. It was his heart that was bulging in his chest, ready to burst.

"Uh…let's, uh, let's…leave these two lovebirds alone," he stammered.

And Viola, with a briefly puzzled glance back at her twin, didn't argue.


	8. A Reason to be Alone

**A Reason to be Alone**

"So…" As they stood at their familiar drop-off point, the door to Duke's dorm, Viola was looking into his eyes as intensely as she had the previous night, and the night before that, and the night before that. Only this time, the determination behind her eyes suggested not the goal of getting past that door but of getting to the bottom of things. "Are you going to explain to me what happened tonight?"

Duke's heart was hammering in his chest. He had no idea how to explain himself. His face was burning. All he wanted was to crawl into bed and hide from the world. In fact, he had a pretty good idea at that moment what Sebastian had meant by people having reasons to be alone.

Fortunately for him, Viola was the kind of person who took the reins on things like this. On things like anything. When she spoke, it was the first time in a long time that he appreciated that about her.

"Do I need to take back my cheese wheel?" Her voice was almost with the same drawl as when she was pretending to be Sebastian. And the lopsided grin was there, too.

Duke sighed in relief and took the opportunity to nod slowly. "I…I think so," he gulped. "I mean…I don't think I can eat it all myself…"

"Noooooooo," she corrected, shaking her head hard, "that's not what you mean at all. Granted, I probably am the only person in this school that could take care of the thing in one sitting, but I know that's not what you mean." She paused. Then grinned sheepishly. "I kind of rushed things, didn't I? You're a great guy, I'm a – well, I'm a pretty great girl; you have an effing hot bod. No, don't blush. You do. You know you do." She raised her eyebrows, and he shrugged in partial agreement.

Satisfied, Viola continued. "I thought you could like me back, Duke. So, uh, sorry I proclaimed my love for you in front of the entire school. That was kind of…premature."

"No, no, no, I do like you, I do," Duke rushed, realizing he was only telling the truth.

Viola looked at him hard, but softly at the same time, as though they were on the cusp of some greater confession and she was silently encouraging him to speak.

"I just don't like you…"

"…that way," Viola finished with the words she expected as Duke simultaneously let his own words flow: "…like when you were your brother."

Viola jumped back physically, shock written all over her face. "Oh…my God."

Duke was just as shocked, and he slumped back against the door, disturbed, excited, relieved, and scared out of his wits.

Just as quickly, Viola came back to her senses. "Duke, I am so sorry. I never should have pushed. I just had no idea…"

Duke was still stunned. He didn't know what to say; he wanted to explain why he had liked Olivia at the same time as he liked Viola-as-Sebastian; he wanted to explain his newfound feelings for the new Sebastian; he wanted to apologize for putting Viola through this, because he really did like her and he really did want her as a friend, his guy friend; but who did he want as his girlfriend? He wanted…a certain boy.

"You…confused…me," Duke spit out, now slumping all the way to the floor. Viola joined him in a squat, putting her arm gently around his shoulder, now not suggestive at all, just friendly, just with friendly care and love.

"I'm a horrible person," she blurted. "I can't believe I did that to you." Then, trying to save herself, but maybe more right than she knew, she said, "Maybe it was all for the best, though. If I hadn't confused you, who would have? Would you ever have known yourself?" She smiled to herself, not expecting Duke to answer.

He was in pain, so much pain, felt the walls closing in on him; he didn't want to admit she was right. But, the blood pounding in his head, he said, "Maybe not."

They said nothing more to each other, but after what seemed like eternity – though it was probably only a few minutes – Viola nudged Duke up, took his keys out of his pocket, opened the door, and led him to bed. She made no attempt to stay with him, just pulled the covers up to his chin, and gave his forehead a light kiss.

They both knew it was a kiss goodbye.


	9. Right to Choose

Author's Note: Sorry, I don't own She's the Man or its characters.

**Right to Choose**

When he woke up the next morning, Duke was relieved that he had slept through Sebastian's entrance, even though his gut told him it had followed close on the heels of his own. He had been exhausted from the evening's events, from spilling his guts to Viola, from the constant flip-flopping of his stomach. He had passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

His forehead burned a bit as he remembered the kiss Viola had left so softly upon it. But it burned not with passion or regret, just with remembrance, and the terse realization that there was no turning back now. God, hopefully Viola wouldn't tell anyone!

He sighed, then forced himself to glance Sebastian's way. Another stroke of good luck. His roommate's bed was made up.

Or _was_ it good luck? Maybe Sebastian had met common ground with Olivia after all. Maybe he had even spent the night in her room! Or worse, locked in utterly romantic embrace at the water's edge, out under all those amazing stars. Duke shuddered. That was the last thing he wanted to think about.

In their room later that afternoon, however, Duke baited a line for the truth, and learned that his first intuition had been right. His roommate had returned shortly after him. Sebastian gulped back some extra saliva in a quick fit of relief and twirled his soccer ball on an upright finger in quiet celebration.

"Nah, I was really wanting to get out of there, man," Sebastian elaborated, strumming random chords as he sat cross-legged on his bed, staring off into the distance. "It's about how really…_perfect_ Olivia is, and how I want her to come down to earth sometimes and show me who she _really_ is. It's so _hard_ to break past that perfectly-groomed, soft, smooth exterior."

Duke gulped again, wanting to defend Olivia, but in doing so, feeling as though he was defending himself. "Maybe it's just…hard for her…to open up."

"I guess I'd get that," Sebastian said. "But we're not exclusive, you know. Yet, anyway. But how will I know if I actually want to be with her when I don't really know her? And as for her, well she's more than sure she wants to be with me. But it's kind of weird, you know. I mean, she basically fell in love with _my sister_. Doesn't that make me some kind of second fiddle?"

"Well Viola's pretty lovable," Duke said meekly, not sure how to proceed in this very _personal _conversation.

"Well duh. I mean, I know I'm biased, but I'd say you're pretty 'trophied' up yourself, there."

"No, I don't want a trophy either," Duke quickly replied, not wanting to seem like some asshole that saw women as objects. "I just want someone I can be comfortable around."

"Well you can be comfortable around me," Sebastian said. "I mean, if you need someone to talk to then you know where I live." He was grinning.

Duke groaned at the bad joke. "Well hopefully we can be…comfortable…with each other. I mean, we technically spend more time together than with our girlfriends," he added. But he was a little confused. He had said he just wanted _someone _he could be comfortable with. He had meant a…you know, _special_ someone. Not his roommate…

"Thank God," Sebastian declared. "I'm a guy who needs his space. Maybe that's why I ended up trying to avoid Monique constantly. I just hate having a girl following me around all the time. It cuts me off from myself. I can't write my music with other people around."

"Oh, I'm…sorry," Duke mumbled, sitting up. "If you need me to go anytime, just, just tell me, man. I can go kick the ball around or something."

"Oh, not you," Sebastian amended. "I meant mostly _girl_ people. They want me to tell them how beautiful they are, and bring them things like pop tarts." Duke raised his eyebrows and Sebastian laughed. "Don't ask! Anyway, it's give, give, give around the ladies," he explained. "No 'me' time. It's hot. But not productive."

Duke's heart fell at the word "hot." Was all this just about Sebastian's music? He obviously thought that Olivia was hot, so how could he ever feel the same way about a guy? Duke gulped at his own questionable thoughts. But he had never found Olivia "hot" in the way that other guys found her. That's why he had seen himself as such a good match for her – he was the one who saw her for what she really was, or what he thought she really was: beautiful in heart and mind, a sweet, sensitive, and smart person.

Suddenly Duke slammed the soccer ball across the room. It bounced off the far wall and returned with force like a boomerang toward the beds, just missing Sebastian's guitar when he whipped it out of the way at the last second.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You okay, dude?" Sebastian seemed genuinely concerned.

But it was too late. Duke was pissed. Sebastian's bitter talk, double-talk, was way past starting to grate at his nerves. He was taking it personally now, and it was time to stand up to him. "You know what I think, man? I think you're a goddamned hypocrite, that's what I think," he half-shouted, kicking his legs over the side of the bed to face the target of the rant he felt bubbling up in his chest.

Sebastian turned red, but didn't respond otherwise. He mirrored Duke's actions by kicking his legs over the side of the bed, ready to take what was coming to him.

Duke continued, finger half-raised in the air as though scolding Sebastian, but wavering, still kind of unsure of the words he was about to say. "You say you want someone who 'gets' you. Yet…you…you refuse to share the process of creating your music with that special someone. You act like she's just in the way; you treat her with such disdain. You seem to think that the person you are underneath is a giver, but you complain about everything you have to give to the person you've chosen to date and kiss and love! How is that fair? _How is that fair?_"

Dropping his troubled face, Sebastian could only reply in a tiny voice. "I didn't choose her, she chose me."


End file.
